


Untitled Goose Impact

by SakuraRurouni



Category: Untitled Goose Game (Video Game), 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
Genre: Comedy, Fluff, Gen, Oneshot, Robbery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:35:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27275812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SakuraRurouni/pseuds/SakuraRurouni
Summary: It is a lovely day in Mondstadt, and Lumine's commission today is to hunt down a horrible goose.The long awaited sequel to HONKai Impact 3rd!
Relationships: Amber & Ying | Lumine (Genshin Impact), Xiangling/Ying | Lumine (Genshin Impact)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 112





	Untitled Goose Impact

“Haaah!” Seeing Lumine take hold of the anemo hypostasis’ last power sphere that it would have otherwise used to replenish its own strength, Xiangling swung her polearm, its tip leaving a trail of flames in the air.

As expected, the air around the hypostasis reacted explosively, finishing off its last fragile bits of health and collapsing.

Xiangling and Lumine caught their breath, and when they realized they’d won they gave each other a double high five.

“Thank you, Xiangling! I couldn’t have done this without you.” Lumine gave her an exhausted but happy smile.

Xiangling grinned. “I’m just glad I was able to give my cute girlfriend a hand!”

The blonde blushed. She glanced over at the remains of the anemo hypostasis, lying on the ground at their feet.

“Let me look through this and see if there’s any fragmentary bits of energy I can use, or any items.” These hypostases tended to suck up strange and bizarre artifacts like they were vacuum cleaners, not that anyone in this world knew what those were.

“Sure! Take your time. I’ll get our things ready.”

Lumine, assisted by a freshly returned Paimon, poked through the anemo hypostasis’ detritus while Xiangling had Guoba pack up the various berries that they had come this way to collect.

“Found a few things that could be useful,” Lumine said after a moment, joining the other woman, Paimon hovering in the air by her shoulder. She patted her side bag. “Now, where shall we go next?”

“I was hoping you’d accompany me and Guoba through the mountain pass next to the Dawn Winery’s lake,” Xiangling said. “You remember, the same route we took when we first met and you were helping me find ingredients for my recipe for that contest?”

“Of course I remember,” Lumine began, right before Paimon started raising her hand and interrupting.

“Ooh! Paimon remembers! Paimon thought those jade parcels you cooked for us were incredible!”

Xiangling laughed, and even Guoba seemed to be chuckling. “I could use more Jueyun Chilis from around there, in fact. Would you like to come along?”

“Well, there’s nothing really keeping us here in Mondstadt right now, is there?” Lumine glanced at Paimon, who shook her head vigorously, then returned her gaze to Xiangling. “I would love to go with you.” She considered Mondstadt her home base, for now, but she was open to the idea of moving to Liyue Harbor to keep searching for her brother there. And getting to be closer to her girlfriend was a real bonus there.

“It’s a date!” Xiangling took Lumine’s hand. “We’re going to have so much fun camping together.”

The blonde blushed. Paimon piped up. “And cooking together, right?”

The proud cook flashed her another grin. “Of course!”

“Yaaaay! Paimon loves traveling with Xiangling! The food is always so good! Paimon hopes you stay together forever so you can always cook for Paimon!”

“Paimon!” Lumine chided, her face turning red. Xiangling laughed and squeezed her hand.

The party of four made their way to the road and to the winery, leaving the anemo hypostasis and its arena behind.

Several minutes after they left, there was a faint cyan glow from the arena. The shattered pieces of the hypostasis began to quake.

There was a rush of air. A small core of anemo energy formed, hovering above the pieces. Without interruptions, the anemo hypostasis would reconfigure itself in about a day.

But it would never get the chance.

“HONK!”

The hypostasis was not sentient, but if it had been, it would have seen a shadow of wings come up behind it, and it would have known to be afraid.

As it stood, it was suddenly plunged into the darkness of an animal’s gullet.

“HONK! HONK!”

Something waddled into the shadows of the trees. Something that caused problems... on purpose.

“HONK!”

\-----

A week later, Lumine was back in the Castle of Ordo Favonius. As an honorary knight, she was entitled to lodgings in the castle whenever she needed it. Useful for someone who did not have that many possessions, like her. As an experienced traveler, she knew how to pack light. She had useful items, certainly, but not much in the way of prized possessions.

She hummed and put her few things away and went back downstairs and out to the main square. She had kept up her daily commissions for the adventurer’s guild, through the branch office in Liyue Harbor. Just the usual, rescuing lost travelers, fighting hillichurls and treasure hunters who set up camps in the wilderness to prey on unsuspecting passers-by, and so on.

She was not prepared for the state of the guild when she arrived.

The commissions board, which usually only had about three or four requests on any given day, was absolutely covered with small papers. Lumine stood back from it, trying to parse what she was seeing.

“What’s going on?” she asked aloud just as Katheryne came outside to tend the booth.

“Oh, traveler! Are you a sight for sore eyes!” Considering the bags under her eyes, Lumine thought the other woman meant it literally.

“What’s going on?” She repeated. “Why are there so many requests?”

“We’ve been slammed over the past few days! Everyone is reporting missing items!”

“Missing... How?”

“People are missing their hats, books, everything that’s not nailed down!”

Lumine blinked in confusion. “What... I...” she scratched her chin, looking at the board again. “Lost keys... Lost sandwich? Lost coins... lost sunsettias.... a duck statue? Is it just me, or is everything imaginable on this list?”

“It’s not just you. We thought it was just people misplacing their things at first, but then Cyrus’ bolo tie disappeared right off his neck, and then my pen was stolen right off my desk when I wasn’t looking! Please help, traveler, you’re our only hope!”

The blonde nodded. “I’ll take the commissions. But first... give... Give me some time to think about this.”

“Thank you! Thank you!”

Lumine wandered to the Good Hunter. It was a good opportunity to talk to Sara, and consult Paimon.

“Hi, Sara,” she said for just a moment before the chef turned around.

“Traveler! Have you seen a thief on the loose?”

“Wha--”

“Just this morning I set out a slice of fisherman’s toast for a customer and there was a rush of wind and it was gone! Gone, I tell you!” Sara plunged a butter knife into the table between Lumine’s fingers. Lumine’s eyes widened.

“Someone is stalking the streets of Mondstadt,” the woman said in a low voice. “Or... Some _thing_.”

“I, uh... I’m on the case, Sara, I promise. I’ll find out who did this.”

The woman abruptly changed her tone, standing up straight. “Great! You want some sticky honey roast? I’ll get it for you, it’s on the house.” She then rapidly returned to her previous suspicious tone. “Just make sure no thief comes near...”

“I-I will, promise.”

While waiting on Sara to finish cooking, Paimon and Lumine sat down together.

“What’s happened to this town while I’ve been gone?” The blonde murmured. “Everyone seems so on edge.”

“Traveler! It’s good to see you!”

Lumine looked around just as Amber dropped out of the sky next to her.

“Amber!” she jumped in surprise. The brunette, however, looked at her with intense sorrow in her eyes.

“A-are you okay?” she asked, just before Amber hugged her.

“My Baron Bunny is gone!” she said, bursting into tears. “My sweet, sweet Baron Bunny!”

“You mean... the explosive plushie that Klee made...”

“No! The one that doesn’t explode! The one that I sleep with at night!” The brunette pulled away from her, eyes still swimming with tears. “My favorite thing in the whole wide world, gone!”

She wailed and buried her face in Lumine’s chest. The other woman patted her awkwardly, and shared a glance with Paimon, who shrugged.

“How did you lose it?” she hesitated to ask.

“I didn’t lose it,” Amber sniffed. “It was stolen. Right out of my bedroom!”

“Your family home, you mean?”

“Yes, I don’t sleep in the castle like you do.” The brunette wiped her face with a glove. “And I know it never leaves my room! So someone took it!”

“Do you have any idea who?”

“I looked! I didn’t see any footprints, or hear anything! I was just downstairs eating dinner with my parents, and when I came back upstairs it was gone!”

“Wow, so it was stolen while you were even in the house... so definitely no one went in or out through the front door.”

“And we don’t have a back door. The only way out of my bedroom would have been the window, but I didn’t see anything. No ropes, no hooks left behind.” Amber shook her head. “There was this goose feather, but it was probably just left by the wind. Still, I held on to it just in case it’s a clue.”

She pulled a single white feather out of her side pouch.

Lumine peered at it intently. “Can I see it?”

“You can have it.” Amber handed it over. “I don’t think it means anything, but it’s all... all I have left of....” She burst into tears again, clinging to the shorter woman’s arm.

“There, there,” the blonde reassured her, patting her head. “We’ll get your Baron Bunny back.”

Amber blew into a handkerchief.

The sticky honey roast came out then, and Lumine invited Amber to sit with them. “So tell me, what’s been happening this week? I was in Liyue and I just got back less than an hour ago, and everything seems turned completely upside down.”

Amber took a swig of water. “It started just a few days ago. The commissions board was perfectly normal, the other adventurers would do regular work, and then... Things just suddenly exploded overnight. People started reporting all sorts of things being missing, and they asked the Knights of Favonius to help, but that’s not really the kind of work that we do, so we asked them to put their requests up on the adventurers’ guild board. Well, back then we thought it was just a weird coincidence that people were being forgetful, not that things were being stolen. But then....”

Her voice went low. “Klee’s favorite bomb went missing while she was in solitary.”

Lumine’s eyes widened and she immediately clamped her hand over Paimon’s mouth just as the small girl was about to shout and repeat what Amber had just told them. Paimon struggled against Lumine’s hand to no avail.

“At that point we started thinking that this is a very determined thief. We thought it was the treasure hunters, or even the Abyss Order, but Captain Kaeya went out with a large group of knights and scoured the countryside and there haven’t been sightings or traces of them less than a week old.”

Lumine kept feeding Paimon food so she would listen intently instead of interrupting. “Go on, I’m listening.”

“Since then, my Baron Bunny was stolen, and Noelle’s favorite claymore was taken, and Bennett--”

“Wait, go back, Noelle’s claymore?” Lumine whistled. “I... wow. I’m impressed.”

“Right? It’s crazy!” Amber took a huge bite of the sticky honey roast.

“Is the thief going after weapons?”

“My Baron Bunny isn’t a weapon.”

“Yeah, but a thief might not know that. They might have just seen you using one of the regular explosive ones in the field.”

“Ah, right.” Amber swallowed and hummed. “I’m not sure. Plenty of people have had obvious non-weapon things stolen from them.”

Paimon finally wrestled free of Lumine’s grip.

“What Paimon wants to know is, why doesn’t the thief go for the obvious big jackpot?”

Lumine blinked. “What jackpot?”

“The Visions!” Paimon pointed straight at the pyro vision hanging from Amber’s belt. “If Paimon was stealing people’s treasures, Paimon would take their most valuable ones!”

“Now that’s.... interesting to think about,” Lumine pondered. “No one has had any Visions stolen?”

Amber shook her head. “No. And I mean, most people here who have them wear them dangling on their belts. I’ve heard of other people having their hats stolen right off their heads, so it’s not that the thief is afraid...”

“The mystery thickens,” the blonde murmured as she sipped a glass of cordial.

Just then, there was a loud rumbling sound of a table being shifted. Amber and Lumine looked up instantly, just in time to see—

“Captain Kaeya!”

The tall blue-haired man was stumbling, using the table as support. He had one hand covering his right eye, and his clothing was in disarray and his hair loose.

“Traveler, so good to have you... back,” he groaned, pushing himself up on the table. He gave her one of his signature charming grins, but it looked more like a wince. “Maybe.... You can save Mondstadt in its hour of greatest need...”

“Captain Kaeya!” Amber shouted as she got up and ran over to the man to support him. “Are you okay?”

“The thief... They took my most valuable possession...”

“What happened? Are you hurt?” Lumine also got up and looked in worry at his hand. “Is your eye okay?”

“They took... my eyepatch!”

Amber and Lumine both gasped as he removed his hand.

Paimon put her hands on her hips. “What is the big deal? You still can’t even see his eye. He just put on bandages instead.”

“The mystery thickens,” Lumine repeated. Paimon sighed.

“How did they steal your eyepatch from right off of you?” Amber asked.

Kaeya leaned hard on her as she supported him towards the table, while Paimon looked on incredulously. “He’s not even hurt! He’s fine!”

The blue-haired man sighed deeply as Amber helped him down into a seat. “Thank you for your help.”

Paimon kicked the air. “Your eye is fine! Stop being so overdramatic!”

Everyone ignored her.

“I sat down on one of the benches in front of the cathedral, with my back towards the staircases,” Kaeya began. “Just resting my feet, you know. And just then... there was a gust of wind, and a loud sound in my ears that made my blood run cold. I was knocked to the hard, unfeeling ground. And I felt a certain pressure on my back, as if someone was holding me down... and untied the eyepatch from the back of my head. Then I felt another gust of wind, and the thief, whoever it was, was gone!”

Lumine and Amber gasped. Paimon gave a long, exasperated sigh.

“I fled, stumbling blindly, until I found you two here.”

“You did no such thing!” Paimon shouted, kicking the air again. “You can see just fine!”

They continued to ignore her.

“Thankfully, my emergency medical kit saved my dignity.” He adjusted the bandages he had put over his eye. “Jean is right to always have us carry them.”

Amber nodded, then paused. “Wait. Master Jean!”

Kaeya looked at her. “You don’t really think... that the thief could possibly get into the castle?”

“Maybe not. But we know that the thief is in the city right now. And we should check on her. If the thief is bold enough to attack you in broad daylight, who knows what else they might do?”

Lumine nodded. “I agree with Amber. Let’s go!”

They ran off, with Kaeya apparently not needing support anymore. Paimon looked at them with an expression of mild disgust, then flew off after them.

The three knights (plus one exasperated pixie) raced through the streets and stairs of Mondstadt and crashed through the front door of the castle, with Lumine leading the way. Kaeya threw open the door to Jean’s office.

“Master Jean!”

The window was wide open. Jean wasn’t in her chair. Instead she was on the ground. Lumine looked in horror at the woman’s prone position on the ground.

“Master Jean!” Was she hurt? Or worse...?

The woman grunted, peering under the furniture. “Not here.” Jean got up and brushed herself off. She looked at the intruders who had just come into her office. “Close the door!”

Amber closed it firmly behind them. Jean got right back down on the floor, this time on her hands and knees.

“Not here, not here,” she murmured, panic in her voice. She got back up. “I need to.... I need to look behind the bookshelves. Maybe....”

“Jean? Are you all right?” Kaeya looked at her with concern in his eyes. Well, eye.

“He’s gone,” Jean muttered, sitting down in her chair. She put her elbows on her desk and ran her hands through her hair repeatedly. “He’s gone, he’s gone.”

“What’s gone?” Lumine asked.

“Are we too late?” Amber sighed.

“Diluc. Diluc is gone,” Jean said in a low voice. “I can’t find him. I don’t.... I don’t know where he might have gone.”

Two of the other four people in the room gasped.

“Oh no, not Diluc!” Amber said, hands flying to cover her mouth.

“This is bad,” Kaeya muttered.

“Paimon didn’t see Diluc here, though? And why would Diluc be here at the Knights of Favonius headquarters anyway?”

Lumine had to agree on that one. “If he had left, wouldn’t we have seen him as we arrived?”

Jean shook her head. “No, Diluc wouldn’t just get up and leave!”

“Uhhh,” was all Paimon could say.

“I don’t get it,” Lumine said, leaning over to Amber. “If she’s looking for Diluc, why on earth would she be searching behind the bookshelves or on the ground?”

Amber leaned back in return. “Diluc is the name of Master Jean’s pet turtle.”

Paimon nearly fell to the ground. “WHAT?”

The cavalry captain came to his master’s side. “We suspect that Diluc hasn’t gone missing, but rather... has been stolen.”

“No, that can’t be,” Jean said. “Why would anyone want to steal my precious pet turtle?”

“You keep your pet turtle here with you?” Paimon asked, incredulous.

“Of course I do. I’ve had him since I was a child. He helps me relax.” Jean said it all in a completely serious tone. “Feeding him soothes me.”

“I... see,” Lumine replied, sharing a look with Paimon.

“I pet his little shell and it makes me happy.”

“I............ see.”

“Stolen, you say?” Jean turned her full attention to her cavalry captain.

“Yes. The same thief who took my eyepatch.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. I had these bandages in my med kit to help me.”

Jean nodded. “Good. I had already suspected that there was a thief, but right now the trail is fresh. We should follow it.”

“Wait.” Lumine noticed something. “Kaeya, can you bend down a little? You’re too tall for me.”

Kaeya leaned over and Lumine plucked something out from the shoulder fur he always wore thrown to the side.

“A white feather?” he asked, and Amber’s eyes went wide.

“A white _goose_ feather. Same as the one I found when my Baron Bunny was stolen!”

Lumine nodded, and then knelt to the floor. “Master Jean, you were looking for your turtle... So it doesn’t surprise me that you completely overlooked this.” She rose with a white feather in her hand.

Jean gasped. “Another white goose feather!”

Kaeya scratched his head. “Is our thief sleeping on a mattress full of goose feathers, or something?”

“I don’t know yet. But it’s a clue.” Lumine put the feathers away in her bag. “Are white goose feathers a symbol of anything in Mondstadt? I’m unfamiliar with cultural cues here.”

“I don’t... think so?” Jean said, glancing at Kaeya, who also shrugged.

“Lisa would know,” he replied.

“Lisa. We should check on her too,” Amber said. “The trail’s warm! If we can figure out where the thief will strike ne--”

There was a sudden loud sound, like a crash of thunder. Before anyone else could react, Jean pushed everyone out of her way and bounded out the door of her office.

The others followed her as she ran to the library. The guards in the main hall were on the ground, clearly caught by surprise.

Lisa stood in the doorway of the library, eyes glowing purple with Electro power.

“Who did this?”

Jean ran right up to her. “Lisa, calm down.”

“Someone stole an _OVERDUE BOOK!_ ” she shouted, static electricity coming off of her in waves. Lumine gulped and took a step back, as did Amber.

“There’s a thief. They’re stealing things right now. We have to follow the trail.” Jean spoke in a level, even voice.

Lisa slowly hovered down to the ground, her hair settling down and the electricity around her fading.

“Static electricity,” Lumine murmured. “It can hold on to small objects, such as....” She pointed to the ground around Lisa.

“White goose feathers,” Lisa said, her voice calm now, but with a distinct tone of seething anger just beneath the surface. “Is this the trademark of our villain?”

Kaeya nodded. “Come on, let’s find out where our stolen items have gone.”

Lumine came up beside Lisa as the group left the castle. “Do white goose feathers mean anything in Mondstadtian culture?”

The tall brunette woman took a deep, shuddering breath. “No, they don’t have any particular meaning. But I swear, by the Archon of Sumeru, I _will_ get that book back....”

Lisa was back to emitting static electricity again. Lumine chose to run alongside Amber and the flying Paimon instead.

“White goose feathers everywhere the thief goes, but no particular meaning to them, necessarily,” she said, thinking aloud. “Does that mean... the thief is leaving these feathers behind by accident?”

“I thought it was a trail they wanted us to follow, maybe like a calling card.”

“Maybe.” Lumine scratched her head. A thief both stealthy enough to steal items right off of their wearers, and yet bold enough to leave behind a calling card? Something wasn’t adding up.

As they made their way to the town square, who should the group run into but Diluc?

“Jean,” he said, eyes widening. They seemed to have surprised him.

“Master Diluc!” replied the tall blonde.

“See? Master Diluc is the man. Diluc is the turtle.” Amber whispered in Lumine’s ear.

Lumine shared a dubious look with Paimon. “Yeah, that definitely makes sense.”

“Diluc is missing,” Jean said. “I’m so worried.”

The red-haired man nodded, not missing a beat. “So is Captain Slowfeet.”

“ _Captain Slowfeet?_ ” Paimon’s jaw hung open. “Are you kidding me?!”

“I thought maybe you or the pet turtle club of Mondstadt had come by to grab him.”

“The PET TURTLE CLUB OF MONDSTADT?!”

Diluc blinked. “Why does that pixie keep repeating everything?”

“Never mind that,” Lumine said, pushing forward to speak with Diluc the person. “Diluc, you also lost something?”

“Someone. My pet turtle was stolen right out of its little terrarium. That was yesterday, but I didn’t have time to visit until today.”

“Did you see anything from the thief?”

“Just this,” he said, raising a white goose feather. “I was bringing it to Jean to see if she knew anything, but then I ran into all of you out here first. It looks like there’s something going on.”

Lumine fixed her gaze on the feather. “Yes, there is.”

“I’ll fill you in. Come to the town square with us.” Jean led the way as the hastily assembled group of knights made their way to the center of town.

There were over two dozen villagers milling around there, with worried looks on their faces. Lumine had come to recognize some of the locals, including Sara from Good Hunter serving meals to Flora and Eury, as well as some of the Knights of Favonius she didn’t see as often, like Sucrose and Albedo, Adventurers’ Guild members like Bennett and Fischl (who was apparently missing her eyepatch, and was being at least as dramatic about it as Kaeya), and even a few people from Springvale, like Draff the hunter and his daughter Diona.

She even saw Venti there! She raised a hand to greet him. Venti nodded and came over.

“Looks like everyone here was just robbed,” he murmured, as he got close. “including myself. Someone took my astral iron strings again!”

“I’m trying to put together what happened,” Lumine replied.

When they saw Jean, a number of people made their way over to talk to her, and then others. She raised her hands for quiet.

“Everyone! It appears we have all been the victims of a rather brazen daytime robbery. Please rest assured that the Knights of Favonius are on the case. In fact, our dearest honorary knight is investigating the matter personally.”

“Me?” Lumine had just enough time to point at herself in confusion before everyone applauded her and shouted encouragement for her.

“If you have any questions you want to ask everyone, now is the time,” Amber said.

Lumine realized that she did. As Jean pulled her forward, she took out the various goose feathers she had obtained.

“Did anyone see any white feathers in the vicinity of their robbery?” she called out.

“Yes!” “Yeah!” came various affirmative responses from the crowd. Many of them held up white feathers of their own.

“How can someone pass unseen in front or near so many people?” Kaeya thought aloud, right near Lumine’s ear.

“I’m not convinced it’s some _one_ ,” Lumine replied. “I’m starting to consider the possibility that--”

“HONK!”

There was a gasp in the crowd as it parted. The petite blonde strained to see what was happening. But the crowd parted by just enough so that she could see.

There was Dr. Edith, the researcher Lumine sometimes delivered packages for, sitting on the ground, clearly having been knocked flat onto her bum in surprise. Above her—

“I _knew_ it,” Lumine murmured—

Was a goose.

“HONK! HONK!”

It was astonishingly LOUD. It spread its wings and flapped at the doctor. Edith cringed and ducked out of the way, but it wasn’t after her. Instead, its beak grasped onto something on her head, and then pulled away.

“My lucky pen!” Dr. Edith shouted. “Give it back!”

It flapped its wings and then, bold as you please, jumped over her to the crowd, where it proceeded to step on people’s heads as it made its escape, pen firmly lodged in beak.

Jean was the first to react, drawing her sword. “Stop that goose at any cost!”

Amber drew her bow from nowhere and aimed, but the goose was far too fast. It somehow managed to jump up to balconies and from there to the rooftops of Mondstadt.

Kaeya and Diluc gave chase on the ground, while Lumine and Amber quickly scaled up to the rooftops themselves, with Paimon following close behind. The villagers scattered, some chasing after the goose with their own implements, some cheering on the knights.

Amber and Lumine stayed hot on the heels of the goose, but it evaded every time Amber tried to shoot it and every time Lumine tried to surprise it with a wind blast from her palm. A flash of green to their left confirmed that they weren’t alone up here.

“Venti!” Lumine called out. “Can you outrace it?”

“I wish I could, but this goose is... oddly fast!” If even the Archon of Anemo couldn’t keep up—

The three still gave chase, pursuing the goose as it wound its way around the city. Occasionally bursts of flame or plumes of ice made their way up from ground level, but the goose was just too agile.

While it was largely without direction, hopping and flapping away from its pursuers, eventually it made its way to the last of the civilian houses. From this point onwards, there were only windmills, Castle Ordo Favonius, and the Cathedral, and beyond that the city walls.

With no hesitation, the goose spread its wings and soared towards the castle.

“How is it using air currents that well?!” Venti’s tone was of clear surprise. “I’ve never seen another bird that could do that! It's faster than regular bird flight!”

“I’m not convinced it’s an ordinary bird,” Lumine shouted as she also raced across with no hesitation, deploying her glider as she went, Paimon hitching a ride on her back. Amber went right after her, and after a moment so did Venti.

They chased the goose as it soared from the castle ramparts to the courtyard in front of the cathedral. From there it would have to climb, or at least, that's what Lumine thought. Instead it seemed only to get faster, rising up in the air, but far too fast to be a regular goose. It wasn't even flapping its wings, she noticed.

“Is it using updrafts? How can it summon updrafts when needed?” Amber called out to Lumine, pulling down her goggles onto her eyes. Lumine shrugged.

Venti rubbed his chin. “It's not a bad idea. Try it yourselves.” He summoned the winds, and Lumine felt herself begin shooting high into the air, matching the bird's velocity and altitude.

They had the Archon of Anemo on their side to do it, she pondered. What did this bird have?

The goose was just a little ahead of them now, and Amber was closer than Lumine. She maneuvered herself into a dive bomb, aiming straight for the goose, wind whipping through her hair, gloved hands outstretched.

“Gotcha! Oh no—”

It banked at the last moment, pulling back so that Amber overshot her target. But they were close to the far wall of the cathedral, so Amber easily caught hold of one of its flying buttresses and didn't plummet further down.

Now the goose was close to Lumine, and if she could just reach it—

“Venti, I'm going in!”

Venti nodded and a burst of blue-green light surrounded her.

She swept forward, reaching out to the goose. It was too fast, too agile, and it was just out of reach for her, but not out of reach for—

“Gotcha!”

Paimon leapt onto the goose's back and seized the pen from its beak!

“Yeah!” Lumine cheered, turning around in the air so she could see. But the goose wasn't pleased.

“HONK!” It turned its wingspan onto the small pixie, who was falling through the air. “HONK HONK!”

Amber was already readying an arrow but couldn't shoot. “Crap, at this distance I might hit Paimon!”

Lumine was falling in the wrong direction to be able to help. The goose rounded on Paimon, seizing her constellation scarf in its beak.

“Eh?” Paimon was stunned and surprised as the goose carried her off. “Ehhh??”

Lumine had no precious possessions. Except for Paimon.

“Give her back!” she shouted, shaking her fist. The goose seemed to regard her with a gleam in its eyes, before flying beyond the city walls and over the Cider Lake.

“It stole Paimon?” Venti asked in surprise as Lumine landed on a tower of the city walls.

“Yes, instead of giving up the doctor's pen, it just decided to steal Paimon too.” Lumine saw some loose white feathers follow along the air currents, and glared at the goose, still visible in the distance. “It.... wait a moment...”

Amber could surely see it too from where she was. The goose wasn't escaping over the lake at all. Instead it was.... landing in it, on one of the three small flat islands to the northwest of the city.

One of those islands was piled high with junk. Venti peered at it.

“Is that.... everyone's stolen items?!”

Amber landed on the ramparts next to them, a pair of binoculars at the ready. “Noelle's favorite claymore, my Baron Bunny, two small turtles playing in the water, and a bunch of hats, boots, gloves, jewelry, two eyepatches.... yeah, I think that's it.”

Venti took the binoculars from Amber. “The Holy Lyre der Himmel? That wasn't even reported missing! Man, the knights have really got to put that thing under lock and key.”

“How did it get past the guards? I had a really hard time sneaking in when we were trying to steal it ourselves.”

Amber glanced at Lumine. “Did you say something?”

“Sure didn't,” she replied quickly. “But anyway, the enemy's hoard of stolen items is.... in plain view of the city walls? How did no one notice this?”

“No one really patrols here,” Amber protested. “What would be the point? No one would ever attack from this side.”

The blonde nodded. “Right then. Can I have your hunting knife, Amber?”

“Sure, but what are you going to do?”

Lumine strapped it to her leg and stood up while Venti and Amber both looked at her.

“I'm going to go get my Paimon back.”

At this point, Jean and the other knights who had joined the chase caught up to them at the northwest portion of the wall.

Jean called up to Lumine. “Honorary knight! Do you see the foul beast from there?”

“Yes,” she replied. “It is challenging me to single combat in order to get everyone's things back.”

“Then may you fly with the blessings of Barbatos,” Jean said.

Amber nodded. “Good luck, Lumine.”

“I'll compose a heroic ballad for this later,” Venti said, giving her a thumbs up. “Go get your Paimon back!”

Her wings at the ready, Lumine jumped off the castle walls and sailed through the air to the small island where the goose waited for her.

There were three islands in the lake, and one had the giant pile of treasure, one was empty, and on the third one... was the goose.

Lumine saw it, in the distance, but getting closer. It turned toward the small Anemo pillar on the island and honked loudly at it, creating an updraft. (She had decided that she wasn't even going to question things about this goose anymore, but that was definitely not natural.) It ascended into the air and turned to meet her.

She drew her sword and, bolstered by Barbatos' winds, swept forward.

“GIVE ME BACK MY EMERGENCY FOOD!”

“HONK!”

\-----

In the years to come, there would be a thousand different variations of what happened in that fateful fight, which is rather impressive, given that no more than a dozen people even saw the fight itself. The Knights of Favonius saw it, standing on the city walls. There may have been others, but they did not speak of it.

Of those who did see it, it was Venti who felt the most profound sense of history. As a bard, he knew that bards of the future in Mondstadt would sing for centuries about this battle, just as they sang of the legendary Vennessa, just as they sang of the great battles she won. They would embellish, they would add on more details, but at the core of the story, there would always be Lumine, the legendary traveler, the greatest of honorary knights, soaring into battle, sword drawn against beak and wing, against howling winds and grasping claws, to rescue her friend.

They would sing of how, carried on white wings (or blue, or green, or gold, depending on the storyteller's taste), she rode the updrafts and met the goose on equal grounds, how she swung her blade with great agility and strength, how she fought bravely and eventually struck the goose down (itself a detail that would later be changed to striking down a wyvern), winning the fight in the name of every citizen of Mondstadt.

And just like a lot of the other stories the bards sang, it would all be a great big lie, because Lumine didn't win that fight. Instead, she got her ass kicked by a very angry goose.

Jean winced when the goose hammered Lumine to the ground. The others went “oooh,” in sympathy.

“Ahh,” they said as a chorus as the goose swung the blonde into the water and then plucked her up out of the water just to drop her in again.

“Ouch,” they said collectively as the goose swung her around in the air like it was juggling, and then dropped her onto the ground.

“Not a word of this gets to the citizens of the city,” Jean said.

The others nodded.

“I'm not usually one to listen to orders from the Knights of Favonius,” Diluc said, arms crossed. “But I will voluntarily agree, to preserve Lumine's dignity. Oh, ouch.”

The others winced as they watched.

Eventually the one-sided battle was over. The goose slowly, but surely, dragged an unconscious Lumine onto its pile of treasure. It flew up to the top of its pile and seemed to look towards the knights on the castle wall.

It extended its wings. “HONK!”

They heard it even from that great distance. Jean shuddered.

Then the goose took flight and simply left the lake.

A pleasant, light breeze swept across the knights.

“So....” Noelle said in a quiet voice. “Master Jean. May I go retrieve Lumine as well as all of our things?”

“Yes, please do that, Noelle. Thank you.”

\-----

And so the incident of the thieving goose ended. Eventually it would pass into legend, helped in no small part along the way by Venti's lyre strings and singing voice. But right now, it was just one of the many heroic deeds performed in the name of the people of Mondstadt. The currently very happy people of Mondstadt, who were overjoyed to be getting their things back.

Paimon hugged Lumine's arm. “Paimon is so happy that you didn't forget about her!”

“Of course,” Lumine said, smile still visible under all her bandages. She actually did have to wear an eyepatch now, albeit temporarily until the cuts healed. “I couldn't do without my emergency food.”

“Paimon is— HEY!”

The blonde giggled and ruffled the pixie's hair with her good arm. Amber smiled as she watched the two of them over a plate of delicious sweet madame.

“Sure you can't stay in Mondstadt? You really shouldn't be traveling in your condition.”

It worried Lumine that Barbara said that there wasn't much she could do for her. For some reason, the wounds of this battle weren't something she could heal. Venti seemed to imply that all legendary wounds were like that, though, so she tried not to think about it too much.

“I can use the teleporters at least twice a day without straining myself. And I want to at least check in with my girlfriend. She should know everything that happened.” Lumine sighed, pausing to let Noelle pour some apple cordial for her, since the pitcher was too heavy.

“After that, I don't know. Maybe I could find a nice place to stay in Liyue. I can't really keep searching for my brother, at least for a while, until I heal up, but I also don't want to just abandon my mission. There's a nice inn that I know of in Dihua Marsh where a lot of merchants pass through, so I can get information that way, at least.”

“I know, I know,” Amber said. “But you're still my best friend, I'm going to miss you one way or the other.”

“You could always come visit me in Liyue,” Lumine offered. “I mean, don't the knights ever have to send packages or mail?”

“The Outriders did used to have an Outrider Express.... I'll think about it,” Amber said, stroking her chin in thought.

Jean interrupted the chatter by standing up. “Anyway, here's to you, traveler. May your brave deeds be passed down through history.” She raised her glass for a toast.

“Noelle, could you please push me forward?” The maid knight pushed her wheelchair for her, since Lumine couldn't do it with a leg in a cast and a glass in her hand. “Thank you.”

“Here's to Mondstadt! And to a goose-free life in the city.” Paimon helped Lumine raise her glass for the toast.

Lisa, Jean, Klee, Sucrose, Albedo, and a bunch of the other knights raised their glasses. “Cheers!”

“It's a shame that we couldn't actually be eating the goose, though,” Kaeya commented as he cut into a slice of sweet madame. “That would really be the most fitting end to this.”

“I'm just happy to never hear that awful honking sound again,” Lumine replied. “As long as it stays far away from me, I'm satisfied.”

Paimon hovered near Lumine's shoulder and smiled.

\-----

Xiangling was excited. Her girlfriend would be coming to Liyue soon. She had heard it from Xingqiu, and his intel was never wrong. Apparently she'd gotten into a fairly big scrape in town and she would be at least a little injured when she got there. Xiangling was already looking forward to bringing her nutritious food in bed.

“Right now, though, I just have to get back to Liyue to be there to greet her!” She jumped down a mid-sized boulder. The young chef was making her way back down to the harbor from the mountains. Nothing but the freshest ingredients would do for her beloved traveler.

She passed by a tall rock spire, not noticing the winged figure on top of it, until it made a sound that she would come to fear.

“HONK!”

She turned around, spear in hand. “What was that?”

No response. Only a single white feather that floated in the air in front of her.

After a moment of confusion and a shrug, she continued on her way to Liyue Harbor, not noticing the stealthy shadow waddling along behind her.

_And what fluffy beast, its hour come round at last,  
Waddles towards Liyue to be born?_

_\- The Legend of Lumine and the Great Calamity, Book 2_

\-----

Bonus:

“Hm? Childe, is that you? You'd better have something worth showing to your Tsaritsa if you are to enter my presence unannounced.”

“HONK!”

\---

“State your business in Inazuma! Halt! Stop, I said! Wait... is... is there no one on board the boat? What's going on here?”

“HONK!”

\---

A Pyro Abyss Mage's hand was holding a giant sack, helpfully labeled “Lumine's Big Bag o' Primogems – Do Not Open Until Xiao”.

“We.... bring giftsssssssss.... to the Prince of the Abyssssssssss. A token which was retrieved from your ssssssister.”

A human hand reached out, only to be stopped by the flapping of wings in the shadows.

“HONK! HONK!”

**Author's Note:**

> Goose (☆☆☆☆☆☆)  
> Voiced by: Norio Wakamoto (all servers)  
> Element: Anemo  
> Weapon: Beak, claws  
> Specialty Dish: Stolen Adeptus' Temptation  
> Constellation: Tyrannocygnus Rex  
> Affiliation: Honk
> 
> _"Peace was never an option."_


End file.
